This is so Undeveloped

So as the title says, It's been a month almost.

I don't know what to say. I'm frustrated for many reasons.
1. Some of my classes seem pointless to me. Usually that not an issue but it is if its in my Major.
2. Hardly anyone shows up to my soccer pick-up games on Thursdays.
3. I do not know what to do with my life after I graduate.
4. (Insert something I forgot)

Ok, to lay it all out in paragraph form.

1. I enjoy most of my classes. I was even sad when I had to drop Graphic Design II. It was a great class but I just couldn't devote enough time to it, sad. One good thing is my professor told me that I was talented at it, that made me happy. I even enjoy physical chem 2, its conceptually hard and sometimes over my head a little, which makes me have to study at it, but in the end I enjoy the class. Its chill and we only have 4 students in it, including me. Its informal but we get a lot done in a class period. The tests are really challenging but still in the end I enjoy the class. It is probably my favorite this semester. To get to my point. I have Instrumental Analysis. Its a chemistry class which is my major and I should be able to tolerate it but not in this case. Not only is it a big rehash of the first semester of analytical chem but we study obsolete instruments from the 1970s. We also don't even learn how to read the output of the instruments which i think is the most important part. Instead I'm learning the schematic of a UV-Vis, or IR, or AA, or etc. that scientists haven't used in forever and they are so old that they do not even work the same. There is always some sort of blurb at the bottom of the page or spoken that says oh by the way we don't use these parts anymore, in fact our new instruments are less complex. The other thing I find funny is there will be a caption that reads "Modern Spectroscopic Instruments" and then I see that the paper was published in the late 1980s. Real modern. Ok enough of that.

2. I've been organizing pick-up soccer games on Thursdays every week since the beginning of Feb. The most we have had is nine the first week. The second week we had seven. The next week we had 2. And its been the same since then. I do not know why no one is showing up. People ask me during the day about it and even say "Oh I'll be there" and then don't show up. I hate excuses like "I have a paper/ test/ hw" Its just an hour. If your time management is that bad then you don't need to be in college. I just wish people would be straight with me "I don't want to play, ever, stop asking" I would be fine with it. I just miss all those people who graduated that played soccer every week.

3. I don't know what to do with my life. Ive thought about grad school but I don't want to do more school right now. I've been told that I need to want to go to grad school in order to survive. I believe this and so I have really large doubts that I'm going to be in grad school in the fall. I've also been looking at jobs but they all sound so boring and tedious. I just wish I could find something that piques my interest, something I can get excited about. I've worked in a lab and I don't have a problem with it I just wish I was doing something productive and no just testing product to make sure it meets specs. I want to design something. I want to be in charge of something. I want to make a difference in something. That leads me to my other option. Joining the Navy. This has been going through my mind for I guess a couple weeks. I do not know why I'm drawn to it. I'm still asking God if its because He is pushing me to do it. I do not have a problem joining the Navy but its still an uncertain issue for me. What do I do after I become an officer, Can I make it thought boot camp, Am I fit to be a Naval Officer??? These are just a few that run through my noggin every day. I'm sure I can make it though boot camp as long as i do some preliminary training. I made it through two pre-seasons with Coach Freakly, I know not quite the same but it has to be close. My family sorta has a history with the Navy. My grandfather and dad were in the Navy. Interesting fact is they aren't related, mother's father. I've been looking up info on what I can do in the Navy and I don't know how to approach it. There are many options and I have no idea which I will be interested in. They have scientific positions, but I'm not sure I'm interested in them. They also have intelligence positions that sound interesting but again I'm not sure I would enjoy them. The one good thing is that any position on the Navy helps someone. That is the biggest pro for me. I've even started telling people that its a good possibility that I will join after graduation. I'm still waiting to talk to someone about it, aka a recruiter. I just don't want to sign my life away for a few years and then hate it. Big decisions always scare me.

4. My misc category of things that frustrate me. It seems like a bunch of my friends are getting girlfriends/boyfriends depending on the sex of my friend. While I'm doing well being single its not always the most fun to be the 3rd, 5th, nth wheel. It is also harder to hang out with friends with significant others since they are almost always hanging out with each other alone. I know that I'm making it sound like a huge deal and its not but I still feel like complaining about it. With this happiness there is also the opposite, sadness. It seems like my friends are loosing parents, pets, opportunities. One of my friends lost her mother to cancer, another lost her dad to a heart attack, one of my friends cat is about to die, and people are getting rejected from grad schools and med schools. I'm having trouble being there for them because none of these things have happened to me. I don't understand what it is like to loose a parent. I hope I do not have to anytime soon. One of them used to be my best friend and I did not know what to say to her. I also did not go to the funeral. I do not know if I should feel bad. I was not told any details and I only knew of the death through the Erskine grapevine. I also haven't heard from the person since a week prior to the death. I'm just in a confused state. It's things like that that just make me want to run and hide. I don't know how to support my friends unless they ask me to. I also have trouble figuring out what is appropriate to do when and where. For example, I don't know if I should call or if they need to be left alone. Like I said earlier I haven't had to deal with this. Like I said earlier I USED to be her best friend so what is a former best friend supposed to do? What is my place? Too many permutation to consider. Maybe I am just thinking about this too much.

Only thing keeping me going is God, music as always and good friends.